Saturday, 22 October 2011

Finding a Partner: The British Kashmiri Way


Once upon a time in a British Kashmiri family....


The son, Imran, wanted to marry a girl who studied with him....


His father wanted him to marry his niece.....


His mother wanted him to marry her niece....


Imran told his parents about the girl he thought would make an ideal partner for him....


He explained how they met at University, they didn't talk often or spend much time together....


But they both realised that in their hearts they had the love of Islam and this was the main characteristic they both wanted in a life partner.....


The father became angry and explained how his brother would stop talking to him if Imran didn't agree to marry his niece from Pakistan....


The mother had a similar story to tell.....


Imran was confused, but he wanted to keep his parents happy, so he decided to listen to them.....


The mother and the father couldn't decide whose niece was more suitable.....


So the choice was given to Imran.....


Imran chose his father's niece, and his mother became upset with him.....


Imran then decided not to marry any of the two choices he was given.....


They started to search for a new girl......


They agreed on a list of requirements.....


Same caste, educated, wealthy family, beautiful girl, knows how to cook, speaks both English & Mirpuri, has to be from the same region back home, must be the same school of thought Islamically, etc. 


The list became very long, Imran got fed up and said nobody would match the description.....


Imran said my list is better and more simple....


It said.....Good Islamic Character, someone I can live with and who will be a good wife.....


Eventually Imran got married to the girl he knew at University.....


The parents finally accepted her, though she was a different caste, didn't know how to cook, Imran told them she was from the other side of Pakistan, actually she was an Indian Muslim, but Imran kept that hidden from his parents. 


She didn't speak a word of Mirpuri, but with time Imran's mother and father realised that she was the right girl for their son. They realised that their son being happy was more important than keeping their family relationships strong by marrying from within the family...


Moral of The Story

Love is not the problem, a boy likes a girl, they want to marry, but the family stops them, either on caste, money, education or whatever reason. The process of marriage is supposed to be simple, today it has been complicated by our communities and our society.

Allah is Giving them Permission to marry and do something HALAL (and rewarding) but people of the world stop them and as a result they are left in a HARAM relationship, it's a real shame. This is why Islam tells us to keep the conditions for marriage simple and get married young and in a simple way, that way fitnah is reduced significantly. But we (and our families) have a list of 100 things we want in a partner, our parents have a list of 200 things, as a result of this we neglect the advice of Allah (swt).

Always remember, in simplicity lies EXCELLENCE. Even when we do find a suitable partner, we try to do a full analysis and identify weaknesses, we forget that no human being is perfect. Our intention should always be to find someone with good Islamic character and give more importance to this quality than any other characteristic, be it physical appearance, financial status, age, education, etc.. At the end of the day, we are human and our decisions can be right or wrong, but we must put our trust in Allah (swt) when making our decisions.

Written by Sameer Hussain
Dadyal.pk & Dadyaal.com

 
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